Understanding

By Fr. Conor Donnelly

(Proofread)

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

My Lord and my God, I firmly believe that you are here, that you see me, that you hear me. I adore you with profound reverence. I ask your pardon for my sins and grace to make this time of prayer fruitful. My Immaculate Mother, Saint Joseph, my father and lord, my guardian angel, intercede for me.

“But I say to you that hear: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you” (Luke 6:27-28).

St. Josemaría in Point 463 of The Way has said, “Charity does not consist so much in ‘giving’ as in ‘understanding.’ Therefore, seek an excuse for your neighbor—there is always one to be found,—if it is your duty to judge.”

Our Lord asks us to understand others, even though others may not understand or even try to understand us.

We have to care for other people despite the possibility that they may ignore us. We should be performing acts of service for people who very probably will not do the same for us.

Let us make life pleasant for those around us, no matter how they or others treat us. Everything we do should spring from a largeness of heart.

We cannot keep a running tally of credits and debits. People who complain about the ingratitude of others should take a close look at their rectitude of intention. Generosity should not lead to recrimination and collapse.

Selfless sacrifice should make the heart bigger. It should uplift it with the consoling thought that God is pleased with our efforts.

“The more generous you are for God, the happier you will be” (Josemaría Escrivá, Furrow, Point 18).

When Our Lady said, “Let it be done unto me according to your word” (Luke 1:38), she gave her entire being to Our Lord.

Our Lady can help us to give without the slightest taint or vestige of self-seeking. She can show us how to be generous in the thousand little details of ordinary life, because we have to try and live this charity through understanding, at all times and in all circumstances. That means that we have to treat everybody well.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you…if anyone would go to law with you and take your tunic, let him take your cloak as well; and whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two” (Matt. 5:38,39-41).

The words of Our Lord are an invitation to live charity beyond the criteria of men. At the same time, we shouldn't be naive when dealing with people. We need to exercise prudence and justice, which can include demanding our rights.

But we shouldn't regard any renunciation and sacrifice offered for the good of others as a mere excessive zeal, because it's by such actions that we become like Christ, who, by His death on the Cross, gave us the example of a love that knew no human measure.

There is nothing in man that is more divine, more Christ-like, than His meekness and patience in doing good (cf. St. Gregory Nazianzen, Prayer). A lot of that is tied up in the understanding of others.

There's a story told about a farmer who had some puppies that he needed to sell. He painted a sign advertising the puppies and set about nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard.

As he was driving the last nail into the post, he felt a tug at his overalls. He looked down into the eyes of a small little boy.

The kid said, “Mister, I want to buy one of your puppies.”

“Well,” said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, “these puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money.”

The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then, reaching deep into his pockets, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer.

He said, “I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?”

“Sure,” said the farmer. And with that, he let out a whistle and called out, “Here, Dolly!”

And he called, and out from the doghouse, down the ramp, ran Dolly, followed by four little balls of fur. The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence and his eyes danced with delight.

As the dogs made their way over to the fence, the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse. Slowly another little ball appeared, this one noticeably smaller, and it slid down the ramp.

Then, in a somewhat awkward manner, the little puppy began hobbling towards the others, doing its best to catch up.

The little boy said, “I want that one,” pointing to the last little puppy that had come out.

The farmer knelt down by the boy's side and said, “Son, you don't want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like the other dogs would.”

With that, the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers. In doing so, he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg, attaching itself to a specially made shoe.

And looking back up at the farmer, he said, “You see, sir, I don't run too well myself. And that puppy will need someone who understands.”

The world is full of people who need someone who understands.

St John's Chrysostom says, “Of all the virtues leading to salvation, we should seek mainly those that benefit our neighbor. … In the things of this world, no person lives for themselves: the craftsman, the soldier, the farmer, the merchant, all without exception contribute to the common good and to the good of their neighbor.

“This happens even more fully in the spiritual life, which is the true life. He who lives only for himself and despises his neighbor is useless, is not a man, not a human person, doesn't belong to our lineage” (John Chrysostom, Homilies on St. Matthew’s Gospel).

Our Lord makes repeated calls for us to be charitable at all times, especially in His New Commandment (John 13:34-35).

This has to stimulate us to follow His lead in finding concrete ways of being of help to others, by making those at our side happy, realizing that we can never be too extravagant in the practice of this virtue.

Most of the time, the practice of charity will consist of little details, something as simple as a smile, a word of encouragement, a kind gesture.

In the eyes of God, all of this is very pleasing and draws us closer to Him.

We could examine our conscience and consider areas where we may be easily lacking in charity, so that we're more careful about rash judgments, negative criticism, neglect of others due to self-centeredness, forgetfulness. We forget things—we should write things down.

The Christian way of conduct is not the way of an ‘eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth,’ (Ex. 21:24), but to do good always, even though occasionally such an attitude will not result in any human gain in this world. But at least we will have enriched our hearts.

So, like this little kid with the puppy, we could look around us and see who among the souls that God has placed around me needs a little bit more understanding, of patience.

The knowledge of our own weaknesses and miseries and wretchedness and sins will help us to be humble in reaching out to other people.

Charity makes us understanding, ready to forgive, to make allowances for other people. We are just like them; no better, no worse.

This virtue makes us fit to live alongside everyone, “so that those who may think and act differently from us in social, political, and even in religious matters will also have a claim on our respect and charity.

“Love and courtesy of this kind, at the same time, should not make us indifferent to truth and goodness” (Vatican II, Gaudium et spes, Point 28).

Sometimes we may have to say strong things to people. I heard somebody say once that often the greatest charity is to confront people with the truth.

Often in Confession, priests have to confront people with moral truth, or in doctrine classes, or in other moments, or in their preaching.

But also in our social conversations, sometimes we have to confront people with the truth, because that's the greatest charity. Even if that person might not respond well, we try to say it at the right moment, in the right way, with the greatest amount of politeness and courtesy, but never weakening the truth.

“The love that Christ has given us, impels us, his followers, to proclaim to all people the truth that saves. But at the same time, we have to distinguish truth from error—error, which must always be rejected, and the one who is in error never loses his dignity as a person, even though he flounders amid false or inadequate religious ideas” (Ibid.). Gaudium et spes of the Second Vatican Council says this very clearly.

St. Josemaría says in Friends of God, “A disciple of Christ will never treat anyone badly. Error he will call error, but he will correct the person in error with kindliness. Otherwise he will not be able to help him, to sanctify him” (J. Escrivá, Friends of God, 9).

And that is the greatest manifestation of love. Charity towards all, including those who may not like us—we pray for them.

The commandment that Our Lord has given us not only applies to those who show us love and kindness, but to everyone without exception.

“You have heard it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and shall hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, pray for those who persecute and calumniate you” (cf. Matt. 5:43-44).

Should we ever need to, we also have to practice charity with those who may ill-treat us, those who spread falsehoods about us or injure our reputation, or those who actively seek to cause us harm.

Our Lord said on the Cross: “Father, forgive them; they do not know what they are doing” (cf. Luke 23:34).

We’re told in the Acts of the Apostles, “Then he (Stephen) knelt and said aloud, ‘Lord, do not hold this sin against them.’ With those words he fell asleep” (Acts 7: 60). Many examples of patient forgiveness.

Our Lord has taught us to regard sin as the only true evil and to avoid considering anyone as our personal enemy.

At all times, the saints have given heroic witness to that teaching. The various manifestations of charity don’t conflict with the exercise of prudence in the just defense of one's legitimate interests or those of others, or the rights of the Church, or in the proclamation of the truth in the face of lies, or with a firm defense of the good.

But a Christian should always have a big heart and show respect for all, even for those who act as enemies, “not because they are brothers,” as St. Augustine points out, “but because brothers they must become; one must show fraternal love towards him who is already a brother, and towards the one who acts as an enemy, so that he may become a brother” (St. Augustine, Commentary on the First Epistle of St. John).

This way of acting presupposes a deep life of prayer and sets us clearly apart from those who don’t want to live as Christ's disciples.

“For if you love those that love you, what reward shall you have? Do not even the Publicans do that? And if you greet your brethren only, what are you doing more than others? Do not even the Gentiles do that?” (Matt. 5:46-47).

Our Christian faith does not call for merely correct human behavior, but for heroic virtues manifested in ordinary living.

In this story of the kid with the puppy, we see that the boy was looking out for something else. All the ordinary puppies didn't attract his attention so much, but then he saw one who needed more.

There's a lesson there that we have to have a certain eye, an antenna around us, for the person who might need it most. There's a little bit in the background, perhaps some little problem, or some little worry, that somehow we detect.

Assisted by grace, we show charity towards those who do not behave as children of God, but rather who may offend Him, because, in the words of St. Augustine, “No sinner, as a sinner, is worthy of love; but every man, as a man, is lovable by God” (Id., On Christian Doctrine).

They all continue to be children of God, capable of conversion and of reaching eternal life.

When we see people in public life or in other places who may be far from God, or maybe saying all sorts of wrong things, or doing all sorts of wrong things, we have to try and have this breath of vision to see that all these people who may be in error continue to be children of God.

They're capable of conversion and of reaching eternal life. Part of our job as followers of Christ—through prayer, mortification, patience, charity—is to win those souls.

Trusting in everyone's capacity to rectify their errors, charity will impel us to devote ourselves to prayer, to give good example, to do apostolate, and to practice fraternal correction.

The story of Ananias, to whom St. Paul was led, the one who opened his eyes, is a good example for us. He didn't want to receive Paul, but then Our Lord revealed to him, “This man is my chosen instrument” (Acts 9:10-19).

Ananias corresponds in helping to bring to completion the conversion of Paul, on which so many great things were to depend.

And so, we never give up hope in anybody, even the Pauls in our midst, who may have done terrible things. Paul was a butcher, a murderer, but then he converts to be a great apostle.

If at some time we suffer through some particularly painful offenses, injustices, or calumnies, we can ask for Our Lady's help.

Very often we've contemplated her at the foot of the Cross, enduring all the infamous things that were done to her Son; and many of those offenses—lest we should forget—have come from us.

We should be sorry, rather, because injustices offend Our Lord and may harm other people. Our reaction should be to offer atonement to Our Lord and make reparation if possible.

In order to love, we need to understand. We need to have a love for those whose need is greatest—pardoning, understanding, and going the extra mile.

When Our Lord met the widow of Naim, He saw her pain, her sorrow, her loss. He stopped going where He was going and He went over to her, even though He was followed by a large crowd, busy with His ordinary activities.

He stopped what He was doing, goes over to her, put His hands on the stretcher. He immediately understands the sorrow and the feelings of the mother who has lost her only child (Luke 7:11-15). It's a very rich and poignant moment.

Our Christ-like hearts have to be like that Christ-like heart in that moment, for that mother, to understand other people's suffering, or feelings, or loss, or situation.

Our Lord shares in that woman's suffering. In order to love, it's necessary to understand and to share. This is the real meaning of sympathy.

We can ask Our Lord to give us a big heart, a heart that is full of understanding, so that we're able to suffer with those who suffer, and to rejoice with those who rejoice.

We can ask Him to help us to prevent that suffering whenever we can, to make us into people who live and spread happiness wherever we happen to be.

We can also ask for the vision to understand that the true and principal good of others, which bears no comparison with any material or worldly good, consists in their union with God, which will lead them one day to total happiness in heaven.

It's not a question of superficial comfort for the disinherited of this world or for those who undergo suffering or failure.

It’s rather the profound hope of the man who knows that he is a child of God and co-heir with Christ to eternal life, no matter what his situation may be in worldly terms.

Robbing man of that hope and substituting it for another hope of a purely natural, material happiness would be to deceive man in such a way that, owing to the precariousness of such a utopia, it will lead him, sooner or later, into the depths of despair” (Fernando Ocáriz, Love for God, Love for Men).

Our compassionate and merciful attitude, manifested in deeds, has to be shown in the first place towards the people we are normally with, towards those whom God has placed, day in and day out in our company, and towards those of them who are most in need.

It is unlikely that compassion for people further away will be pleasing to God if we neglect the many opportunities that present themselves to us each day to practice justice and charity towards the people who belong to our family or who work beside us.

The Church is aware that “the truth about God who saves…cannot be separated from the manifestation of his love of preference for the poor and the needy” (John Paul II, Redemptoris Mater, Point 37, March 25, 1987).

“Works of mercy as well, as the relief they give to those in need, serve to improve our own souls and those of the people who accompany us in those activities.

“We have all experienced that contact with the sick, with the poor, with children, and with adults who go hungry, always means for us a meeting with Christ in his weaker or unprotected members. For that very reason, such contact can mean a spiritual enrichment.

“Our Lord enters with greater intensity into the soul of the person who approaches his little brothers or sisters, moved not by a desire of mere altruism—which is a noble desire but not one that is supernaturally effective—but by the very sentiments of Jesus Christ, the Good Shepherd and the Physician of souls” (Álvaro del Portillo, Letter, May 31, 1987).

We can ask the Sacred Heart of Jesus that we might never remain passive with regard to the demands of charity, and we can invoke Our Lady with confidence as we tell her: “Remember, O Most Virgin Mother of God, as you stand in his presence, to speak good things on our behalf and ask for our needs” (Roman Missal, Antiphon).

Our Lady will teach us to be more understanding in the thousand little details of every day. She'll teach us to listen to the feelings of others sometimes, to listen to what they're trying to say.

She'll help us to understand that others have limitations, to put ourselves in their shoes, to love them with their defects.

Somebody said once: “Be understanding with the young, be tender with the elderly, be compassionate with the weak, be patient with the strong, because at the end of your life, you will have been all of those things” (George Washington Carver).

Mary, may you help us to practice this beautiful virtue with greater refinement every day.

I thank you, my God, for the good resolutions, affections, and inspirations that you have communicated to me during this meditation. I ask your help to put them into practice. My Immaculate Mother, Saint Joseph, my father and lord, my guardian angel, intercede for me.

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

CPG