The Grain of Wheat

By Fr. Conor Donnelly

(Proofread)

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

My Lord and my God, I firmly believe that you are here, that you see me, and that you hear me. I adore you with profound reverence. I ask your pardon for my sins, and grace to make this time of prayer fruitful. My Immaculate Mother, Saint Joseph, my father and lord, my guardian angel, intercede for me.

There was a pencil maker once who spoke to the pencil that he was making and told this pencil, “There are five things you need to know before I send you out into the world. If you remember them, you will become the best pencil that you can be.

“Firstly, you will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to be held in someone's hand. A pencil on its own, lying on the desk, can't really do anything.

“Secondly, you will experience a painful sharpening from time to time. But this is required if you are to become a better pencil. The point of the pencil becomes a bit dull or disappears, and needs to be put into a sharpener…a painful process, but it makes the pencil more useful and more effective.

“You have the ability to correct any mistakes that you might make. There's always an eraser there to be able to correct things.

“The most important part of you will always be what's on the inside. It's not the wood of the pencil that makes the mark; it's the lead.

“What's on the inside—you have to take care of what's on the inside and no matter what the condition, you must continue to write.

“You must always leave a clear, legible mark, no matter how difficult the situation may be. Whether you're writing in a classroom, whether you're writing on the top of a mountain, whether you're writing on the moon, whether you're writing when it's raining, or in any particular place, you've got to try and leave your mark, and leave a legible mark.”

If we replace the pencil with ourselves, we are the pencil, God speaking to us. He might say to us, “You'll be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to be held in God's hand.”

Faith, abandonment, trust, allowing God to work in us and through us, being a good instrument in His hands, asking Him in prayer, “Lord, what do you want me to do? What do you want me to be? What's your will for me?”—and allow other human beings to access you for the many gifts you possess.

Just like many people have to be able to use the pencil, God also wants us to be available, to be used, to be helped, and to be an instrument for many other people. Can you do this? Can you do that? Spirit of service, availability, spirit of sacrifice.

He says, ‘You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time by going through various problems. But you need it to become a stronger person.’

In the course of our life, we need those painful sharpenings. Sometimes they may not be too painful; no big deal. Still, they can be sharpenings.

When we are told we did something wrong, or we are demanded from that we could do it better—we all need to be stretched a little bit. To get the best out of us—we all need to be demanded from.

Therefore, we need to place ourselves in those situations where people can demand from us. Allow ourselves to be demanded from. Generosity, commitment, fortitude, courage, great sense of purpose.

What am I here for? I am here to be better, to improve, to be a better professional person. Therefore, this painful sharpening is something good, something right, something willed by God, bringing me up onto a whole new level.

You will be able to correct mistakes you might make, or grow through them and learn from the things you do wrong, admitting them and realizing them with humility. I made a mess up there. I should have done that better. I read that situation wrongly. I shouldn't have said those things or done those things.

The most important part of you will always be what’s on the inside: your soul, your heart; to try and shape our hearts to be more Christ-like.

Control the rough elements that may bring us down a little bit: our imagination, things that go through our mind.

Try and correct our habits, grow in virtue, expose ourselves to formation, so that precisely, we grow what's on the inside, so that the inside can be reflected in the things that we do.

On every surface you walk, you must leave your mark. No matter what the situation, you must continue to serve God in everything. On every surface you walk, you must leave your mark.

There was a snail once that was going through a field. The snail left behind it a dirty, slimy, filthy trail.

In that field, there was a stone slab that commemorated some event in human history, and when the snail came to this slab, it kept going on its track.

When it crossed over the slab, it looked back, and it saw the dirty, filthy, slimy trail that it had left on this stone slab. The snail said, “Fantastic! I have left my mark on human history.”

When we look back at the end of our life, what sort of a mark are we going to say that we have left on human history? On every surface you walk, you must leave your mark.

We could ask Our Lord for that grace to leave the mark that He wants us to leave.

“God is love” (1 John 4:8,16). He wants us to show love in everything we do. To leave a mark of love.

He wants us to have a meaningful purpose in our hearts, in our minds, and in everything we do.

That meaningful purpose that we have in our life—we know where we're going, we know where we've come from, we know what life is all about—we implement that every day, every hour. It all goes to form a unity.

In today's Gospel we're told, “Unless the grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it brings forth much fruit” (John 12:24).

Our Lord has called each one of us to be that grain of wheat—to be generous, to give ourselves, to be ready to fall into the ground and die—to die to ourselves; to die to our laziness; to die to our disorder; to die to our lack of purpose.

All the bad inclinations we may have, to try and die to all of those, so that God may live in us through love—to try to be that grain of wheat that generously goes into the ground, disappears, hides away, but yet has the promise of a great harvest.

Our Lord has shown us the pathway. He just wants our cooperation to work on the things that are there on the inside: generous with our life, generous with our time, generous with our ideals.

If we look at the Olympic athletes that are triumphing these days, during the past weeks, you always see the picture of the winner of the Gold standing on the podium.

You don't see the picture of the person who came last, or second last; all the other tragic stories that went so far. You see the picture of the one who triumphed.

That person went for Gold. Focused on gold. Those who came last may also have focused on gold; maybe they'll live to fight another day.

Possibly their losing, their failure, was just part of the process toward winning the next time. Trying again. Beginning again.

There's an awful lot to learn from Olympic athletes. Often, they have to face their defects. What I have to improve on. Improve my time, improve my method, improve my system, improve my style. I've got to go back to the drawing board and start again, because it's worth winning the gold.

Our Lord has called us to win the gold, and, like an Olympic athlete, He wants us to give everything—give it all we've got. Sometimes you read the stories of these athletes and the amount of dedication that's needed just to compete—it's something amazing!

There was a story on the BBC recently. They were interviewing a famous US athlete who did very well in the long jump. He jumped farther than any other person in human history. It was a very interesting story, and he was telling how he did his training, et cetera, et cetera.

Halfway through the story, they say, “Actually, this man is blind.”

You're sort of woken up out of your stupor. This guy can jump farther than everybody else in the world, but being blind.

In fact, they were interviewing people not from the main Olympics, but from the Paralympics, who were disabled people.

You get the impression that these people, just even to compete, they're worthy of the gold medal, because of how they had to struggle and strive and conquer difficulties and get over problems.

This guy was saying how he did the long jump. At one time he jumped out of the box—I don't know, he got mixed up mid-flight or something—he didn't jump into the sand. He landed somewhere outside.

They were explaining how he needs somebody beside him to help him to run up the thing before he makes the jump—and all the things that were there to help him to be able to succeed.

If all those people can do all these great things and conquer all those difficulties, what must God want of us? He's given us so many things: our sight, our hearing, our limbs, our education, our Christian formation.

What He wants from us is our generous correspondence. To be that grain of wheat.

There's a phrase from the Psalms that we sing frequently. What return shall I give to God? “What shall I give back to God for all that He has given to me?” (Ps. 116:12).

It's a very good question. It begs for an answer. What is there on my part to give? What is God expecting of me? What is He asking of me?

We’re told in St. Luke, “Sell your possessions and give to those in need. Get yourselves purses that do not wear out, treasure that will not fail you in heaven, where no thief can reach it and no moth can destroy it. For where your treasure is, that is where your heart will be too” (Luke 12:33-34).

Lord, where do you want me to place my treasure, my heart? The world might tell us to strive after material things. Try to have, to get, to win. God invites us to do greater things.

You see these great athletes holding this little piece of gold. But in time you know that this is going to get rusty, get old. Next year people won't remember who it was who won that particular gold.

Maybe even their children or grandchildren won't be too interested, because they’ll have different interests. All those things fade. All the human things fade.

God invites us to strive for the medals that will not corrode. The treasure in heaven. “Store up for yourselves treasure in heaven” (Matt. 6:20).

Use your time well. Give yourself completely to this particular moment and that particular moment, because the moments are passing.

God has planned a certain period of time for you to do good things. It's worthwhile being that grain of wheat that falls into the ground, because the stakes are tremendous.

“But if it dies, it brings forth much fruit.” Our Lord places before us this great challenge: to rise up to the moment, to dream of bringing forth much fruit.

At the end of our life, people can say, ‘That person was very fruitful.’ It was worthwhile. The world is a better place for the fact that they have existed.

Many people might pass through life without ever having that possibility. Our Lord invites us to give it our best.

Mary of Bethany, we are told, or Mary Magdalene, gave Our Lord “genuine nard of great value” (John 12:3).

It's a wonderful idea to have, to give God the best: the best of our time, the best of our energy, the best of our ability; to put our heart and soul and mind into every job that we have to do.

If a job is worth doing, it's worth doing well. We have to try and be known as somebody who does a good job.

We can be entrusted with anything because we know it's going to be done well. They will put their heart and mind and soul into this thing.

They'll focus on the problem; they'll get to the kernel. You can depend on them, rely on them, a pillar, because they practice virtue in those things.

Very often, Our Lord demands a lot. St. Paul says, “I urge you, then, brothers and sisters, remembering the mercies of God, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, dedicated and acceptable to God: that is the kind of worship for you, as sensible people” (Rom. 12:1).

Our Lord demands a lot, wants us to give a lot, because He's given us a lot, and He wants us to be an example for people around us of how to practice that self-giving, so that we give with a generous heart.

Happiness comes from giving and spending ourselves for other people. It's a beautiful virtue. We have to try and foster that virtue in other people.

Winston Churchill once said: “We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.”

Some people can give a lot of things materially. But many people, maybe God doesn't give them material things to be able to give a lot of material things away.

But to those He doesn't give material things, He gives spiritual things. He gives other graces, other talents.

Maybe He gives them a great smile, a great energy, and an ability to do this job well or that job well that He hasn't given to other people.

Everybody has their talents. None of us can say, ‘I wasn't there when they were giving out the talents.’ We all have great things that God wants us to give.

Sometimes we need a bit of training or spiritual direction to help us to discover what those talents are. Or maybe those talents are hidden talents that suddenly will come alive when we're in our 50s or 60s or 70s. The best wine comes at the end (cf. John 2:10).

I remember being at a deanery meeting of priests once in Singapore. We seemed to be talking an awful lot about youth at every single meeting.

This Dutch missionary priest said, “Tsk, all this emphasis on youth in our Church! I'll have you know I'm sixty-four and I'm not dead yet, and the best wine comes at the end!” They were rather nice words to hear.

There may be great things that God is preparing us for. Our greatest contribution to this world and to society may come in the latter years of our life.

All those former years have been a preparation: failures, the lack of successes. Many of the Olympic athletes that triumph have tried many times. But finally, they conquer.

St. Josemaría says, “It's worth the effort to give ourselves totally so as to correspond to the love and the confidence that God has given us” (cf. Josemaría Escrivá, Christ Is Passing By, Point 129).

Christ ultimately was the grain of wheat. He went to the Cross and died. He gave Himself totally on the Cross, and also in the Eucharist.

Our Lord gives us that example of not going halfway, of making it a total self-giving, complete—being ready to die to ourselves, to bring forth that much fruit.

“He who loves his life loses it; and he who hates his life in this world keeps it unto life everlasting” (John 12:25).

The stakes are high. God promises us wonderful things. He gives us great opportunities.

We can ask Our Lord for the grace to be generous with our time, with our energy, with our charity, with our money, with our material things, with our understanding, with our patience.

This virtue is a virtue of great souls who find their reward in the act of giving. They love to give because it makes them so happy.

A generous person knows how to give without demanding anything in return. “Give and not to count the cost.” Not being calculating.

“Do you realize how much I'm giving? Do you realize how much my time is worth? Do you realize how much energy, how much I'm extending myself, sitting here talking to you or listening to you? Do you realize how important I am?”

“Giving and not counting the cost” (St. Ignatius of Loyola, Prayer). Happy to be giving in this particular moment or circumstance where God places me in a situation to give to this person.

They might be six years of age, but I might be learning so much from just the attention that I give them, or my presence. Being happy and peaceful there talking to these little children, forming them. Giving enlarges our hearts.

We're told in The Forge, “Lord, may your children be like red hot coals, but without flames to be seen from afar. Let them be burning embers that will set alight each heart they come in contact with. —You will make that first spark turn into a burning fire, for your angels are very skilled at blowing on the embers in our hearts. … I know, I have seen it. And a heart cleared of dead ashes cannot but be yours” (J. Escrivá, The Forge, Point 9).

Love has clear expressions. It gives itself in concrete ways. True love is founded on sacrifice, manifested in external works. God wants to see our generosity. It has to be manifested in concrete ways.

That means also that we are ready to run risks. Christ ran many risks. He exposed Himself to all sorts of dangers.

Our Lord invites us to a life of risking things: risking our hearts, risking our time, risking our energy, investing it in other people. Our Lord is not happy sharing. He wants the whole of our heart.

“To go closer to him,” says St. Josemaría, “to be ready for a new conversion, a new rectification, to listen more closely to His inspirations—those holy desires which He brings out in our souls—and to put them into practice” (J. Escrivá, Christ Is Passing By, Point 58).

Sometimes, initially, Our Lord asks for little. He told the apostles as He got into the boat, “Put out a little from the land” (Luke 5:3).

He got into a specific boat. It was Peter's boat. Our Lord has gotten to our boat and initially, He may ask us just for a little.

Then He stood up in the boat and He began to teach the crowds from the boat. He used that boat as a podium. But then when He was finished speaking, He turned to Peter very specifically (Luke 5:1-4).

When Our Lord was choosing the boat into which He was going to step, He had a further plan—things that were going to happen later, after all the discourse.

He turned to Peter and said, “Now launch out into the deep and let down your nets for a catch” (Luke 5:4).

There is a moment that comes when Our Lord challenges us: “Launch out into the deep.” ‘Leave the comfort of the shore. I want you out in the deep water where the big fish are, with the wind blowing in your face.’

There may come a moment in our life when Our Lord says the same thing to us. ‘Take those risks. Put out into the deep water. Forget yourself. Give yourself totally to me. Be the grain of wheat that falls into the ground.’

He wants that our one desire would be to imitate Him, to identify ourselves with Him.

St. Paul says to the Galatians, “I do not live but Christ lives in me” (Gal. 2:20). Our Lord calls us to heroic sanctity: to leave all things, to give Him everything in every moment, in all the moments of our life.

“To win a war,” said St. Josemaría, “it is sufficient normally to win the last battle. But in the interior life, we must be trying to win all of them. Woe to the person who is not trying to win at all, because it might happen that one of those last battles might be the last. The soul might lose the war.”

What is the most important thing of all? “Persevere up to the end; save yourself” (Matt. 24:13). Live each day as if it was your last. Being that grain of wheat every day.

I die to my likes and dislikes. I die to my love of comfort. I die to myself in wanting everything to be the way that I want it to be.

I'm available. I'm flexible. I have a spirit of service. I can be called upon. I can be depended upon. I try to carry the burdens of the others. I try to forget about myself.

This is a virtue that we have to try and maintain and strengthen. Maintain and strengthen our generosity. We have to maintain it, not allow ourselves to diminish our generosity with the passage of time.

The Olympic athlete getting down on the blocks doesn't say, ‘I can give a little bit less this time because I'm a bit older. No, I've got to give a bit more. I've got to try a bit harder. I've got to try and break the record. I've got to try and win the gold.’

St. Josemaría liked to say, “In Bethlehem, nobody held anything back” (cf. J. Escrivá, Letter, February 14, 1974). Joseph, Mary, the shepherds, the Magi—they gave everything.

Our Lord wants us to give others the best that we have, and in that way, to walk in His footsteps.

Sometimes it may be difficult to give ourselves, to be that grain of wheat—in moments of humiliation, or when we're asked to give when I don't feel like giving, because I'm tired, or I've done this job many times, or I don't like being told what to do, or I don't like being told that I didn't do it well and I could do it better. I don't like to be demanded from.

Those are interesting moments to give ourselves a little more. Generous with our self-surrender. To labor and not to seek for any reward.

In a family, in an organization, in any place where there is generosity and self-giving, very often there is peace and joy, serenity, because people are inspired by other people who give themselves. They are moved to give themselves also. To forget about themselves.

That creates a greater charity around. Peace, joy, a wonderful working atmosphere. Everybody is doing what they can.

Everybody is bringing their grain of sand.

Everybody is willing to be that grain of wheat that falls into the ground and dies, forgetting about themselves.

Happiness in this world is found through giving and self-giving, and creating an atmosphere around the place where everybody wants to give. Generosity expands the soul.

We can see in the Scriptures why God loves generous souls who give everything. That's why He promises such a great reward. If you fall into the ground and die, you'll bring forth much fruit.

Many joys in our life may come from the fruits that God allows us to bring. We can try to be generous in giving others the benefit of the doubt, suspending our criticisms and our judgments.

Generosity in doing the least pleasant task first in our work. Get the difficult things done first.

Generosity in giving a positive tone to our conversation, trying always to have something positive to say, avoiding negative criticism.

Generosity in doing the lowliest chores, or the most difficult chores. The chores that nobody else wants to do. Showing leadership there. Going ahead in those moments.

Generosity in doing the little favors that people may ask of us. ‘If you're going upstairs, could you get that thing? Could you press that button or turn on that switch?’ In principle, yes. We can try to do all of the little things that people ask of us.

Generosity in not giving too much importance to the defects of others.

All these things will lead us closer to Christ.

In this year of St. Joseph, we see how St. Joseph gave himself completely at the service of others. Not even a whimper.

Our Lady gave herself. Mary, may you teach us from meditating on these words, to learn how to be that grain of wheat a little more frequently and to make it one of the goals of our life.

I thank you, my God, for the good resolutions, affections, and inspirations that you have communicated to me during this meditation. I ask your help to put them into practice. My Immaculate Mother, Saint Joseph, my father and lord, my guardian angel, intercede for me.

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

GD