Temperance

By Fr. Conor Donnelly

(Proofread)

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

My Lord and my God, I firmly believe that you are here, that you see me, that you hear me. I adore you with profound reverence. I ask your pardon for my sins and grace to make this time of prayer fruitful. My Immaculate Mother, Saint Joseph, my father and lord, my guardian angel, intercede for me.

At Cana of Galilee, Our Lady said to Our Lord, “They have no wine” (John 2:3).

She didn't say, ‘I have no wine’ or, ‘My glass is empty,’ but “they have no wine.” She was thinking about the others. She was forgetting about herself.

This meditation is about the virtue of temperance.

It's one of the four cardinal virtues. Cardo, cardinis in Latin means a hinge. It's a “hinge virtue” on which many other virtues depend.

It's the virtue whereby we control our appetites for food, for drink, for pleasure, and therefore, we control ourselves. It's what society would refer to as self-control, or self-discipline, or self-mastery, which are terms we don't hear too much about nowadays.

It’s a virtue whereby we control the old self that's there inside us with the wounds of original sin.

In the time of our first parents, all their appetites were perfectly subject to reason, which was perfectly subject to God. But when they committed original sin, they lost that gift of rectitude, of order, and so they lost their control.

Ever since then, men have had to struggle to control their passions and their appetites for food, for drink, for pleasure.

Our desire for pleasure is often referred to by the term of “concupiscence.” A man originally had an ordered concupiscence, and now we have a disordered concupiscence.

If you have any dealings with small children, you might have to tell your five-year-old, “Look, that's enough chapati, you've had five already” or, “You've had three helpings of ice cream.” The child doesn't know when to say stop.

But not only the child. A grown man may have to be told the same thing about the number of beers, or a grown woman, about the number of things that she has bought, or wants to buy, or the movies she's watched.

We all need this virtue of self-control, self-discipline, self-mastery, all throughout our life. We never quite fully control things.

It's a human virtue, but also a supernatural virtue, when we try to practice this virtue for the sake of the love of God, and we offer it for our certain intentions.

We control ourselves in order to say yes to others and to forget about ourselves.

This virtue is closely related to personal toughness, authentic manliness or authentic womanliness.

A person who is in control of themselves is a very wonderful thing. They're very much a human person.

It's the ability to dominate our own passions, appetites, feelings for the sake of a higher good.

When we go to the sacraments and we get grace into our soul, that grace strengthens us to be able to practice all the virtues a little better.

So one way of growing this virtue is by exposing ourselves to grace more frequently and asking for the grace to be stronger in overcoming our lower inclinations.

There was a lady once who used to attend a support group for people who were on diets. She shared with her friends in the support group about how a few days previously, she had baked a cake, and her family had enjoyed the cake, but half the cake was left.

She was there staring at the cake all day. There came a moment when she couldn't take it anymore, and so she ate the other half of the cake.

Then she confided to her friends in the support group: “I was very worried about what my husband would say when he heard that I had eaten half the cake.”

One of the other ladies asked her, “What did he say when he found out?”

And she said, “Oh, he never found out. I baked another cake, and I ate half.”

Our lower inclination sometimes can be very strong. It can catch us out in all sorts of weak moments. We often don't know the extent of our own weakness, or we don't know how weak we can be.

Often, that personal toughness or temperance involves distancing ourselves from temptation.

Like the alcoholic who knows that there's a hotel on a certain street: on driving home, he knows, “I can't pass down that street. I can't go anywhere near that hotel because I know there's a bar there, there's a very nice bottle on their shelf, and I might roll home at three in the morning, stoned out of my mind.”

All of us have certain no-go areas, areas that we can't handle, where we need to live this virtue of temperance.

Like Olympic athletes, whom we see winning the gold, or the silver, or the bronze, who train, day in, day out, week in, week out, month in, month out, our acquisition of human virtues and supernatural virtues follows the same pathway. We have to struggle one day, and another day, in this small thing, and in that small thing.

St. Josemaría suggests that at every meal we try to deny ourselves some little thing, some little pleasure, be hard on ourselves, impose a certain toughness.

It's one of the ways that we strengthen our backbone, to be able to say no to the greater temptations that may come along later.

Because we're in control, we have that self-mastery over the lower inclinations, often this virtue helps us to enjoy the good delights of life in moderation.

Very often our happiness comes from enjoying things in moderation, not overdoing it. We might look around us and see plenty of examples of lack of moderation, and that leads us to be unhappy.

There's a story told of an elderly Irish nun, 95 years of age, who was in a coma. The other nuns used to give her some milk to sip. It was the only way they could nourish her.

One of them had the bright idea of putting a teaspoon full of brandy into the milk to give the milk a bit of a kick, and to give it a bit more vitamins, so that it would be even more nourishing for her.

The day before she died, she opened her eyes and she spoke to the nuns and said, “After I die, whatever you do, don't sell that cow.”

In all moments of our life, there are delights of life that God wants to give us—special joys which come to us in our best ways in the form of moderation. But still, they may be very beautiful things. God wants us to enjoy things.

There's a story told of St. Teresa of Ávila, who had a great love for pheasants. One day they got her a present of a pheasant. It was cooked, and they were eating this pheasant and enjoying it very much.

There was a younger nun in the convent who was a bit surprised that St. Teresa of Ávila was enjoying this pheasant so much. She sort of reminded her, “Shouldn't you be mortifying yourself a little bit, doing a little bit of penance?”

The reply of St. Teresa of Ávila was, “When I fast, I fast. And when I pheasant, I pheasant.”

The good things in life that God has given to us—they're also there for us to enjoy them. Family fun, a good meal, a celebration, a drink of some type. God wants us to enjoy these things. That's why He created them. But always, with a sense of moderation.

This virtue of temperance is often one of the indispensable qualities of leadership; one of the characteristics, the character strength, that we admire most in other people.

Very often what we admire as “class” in people is often directly related to their habitual power of self-restraint in words, in actions, and in projects.

Temperance is also the foundation, along with charity, of courtesy, and habitual good manners. Good manners are part of charity.

It means we forget about ourselves. We think about others. We control our own tendencies or desires or appetites because we put others first, and their needs.

“They have no wine.” Our Lady wasn't there at this country marriage with her sleeves rolled up thinking that, ‘I'm here to have a good time. This is my day out.’ Her happiness came from being concerned about the others and their glasses.

The Old Testament in the Book of Sirach is virtues praised. It says, “Do not follow the counsel of the appetite. Turn your back on your own liking (Sir. 37:29).

Our Lord invites us to conquer our own likes and dislikes, to be above those things, or our moods, or our whims; to know how to keep all these things in control.

We moderate our attraction to the pleasures of life, and this virtue gives us balance in the use of creative goods, so that we don't think that the be-all and end-all of life come from having this particular thing, or getting that particular thing, or spending this particular amount.

It leads us more to think of helping, of serving, of spending ourselves. This virtue directs us towards what is good. It helps us to maintain a healthy discretion in relation to healthy, material things.

In the New Testament, it's often referred to as “moderation” or “sobriety.” St. Paul encourages us “to live sober, upright, and godly lives” (Titus 2:12).

In The Way, St. Josemaría says, “Be content with what enables you to live a simple and sober life” (Josemaría Escrivá, The Way, Point 631).

How many people in the world do you know who are content? It's wonderful to meet somebody who is content, happy with what they have; not just dreaming and yearning for things in the future that they don't have or which they might never have, but have learned how to be happy with the things that God has given to them.

“To live well is nothing other than to love God with all one's heart, with all one's soul, with all one's effort; and so love is kept whole and uncorrupted through temperance” (St. Augustine, as quoted in the Catechism of the Catholic Church, Point 1809).

This virtue helps us to have a certain coolness and clearness of head. It moderates everything, and also moderates and tempers the sense of our own worth.

It can be a pathway to humility. We don't have a greater opinion of ourselves than we may need to have.

If we try to practice that self-discipline in the area of food and drink, it can help us to apply this virtue in other areas.

St. Paul says, “Grace trains us to renounce irreligion and worldly passions, and to live sober, upright, and godly lives in this world” (cf. Titus 2:12).

In Friends of God, St. Josemaría says, “Temperance makes the soul sober, modest, understanding. It fosters a natural sense of reserve, which everyone finds attractive because it denotes intelligent self-control.

“Temperance does not imply narrowness, but greatness of soul. There is much more deprivation in the intemperate heart which abdicates from self-dominion only to become enslaved to the first caller who comes along and rings some pathetic tinny cowbell” (J. Escrivá, Friends of God, Point 84).

All the devil has to do is dangle a carrot in front of us. We may collapse.

Temperance needs to be present in our entire lifestyle if we are to follow Christ.

There may be many things in our life that need tempering.

If we're someone who speaks a lot, we might need to temper our speaking with silence. Learn how to be more silent like St. Joseph was silent, like Our Lady was silent, like Christ on the way to Calvary was silent. There's a time for speaking and a time for silence.

If we're somebody who doesn't speak very much, we may need to temper our silence. Make more of an effort to speak, to learn how to maintain conversations with people or to start conversations, to be friendly, to be sociable.

St. Paul says we have to be “all things to all men” (1 Cor. 9:22). That may mean we have to temper our shyness, to go out of ourselves, to be affable. Approach people. Have a courageous initiative in starting friendships and conversations.

We might need some time to temper our activity. If we are a person who tends to rush around the place doing many things, we may be like Martha.

“Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, yet only one thing is needful. Mary has chosen the better part, and it will not be taken away from her” (Luke 10:41-42). Our Lord invites Martha to temper her activity in order to focus on what is important.

I heard someone say once, commenting on another person, that “that person works a lot.” Another person who was there said, “Well, that person moves a lot.”

They might give the impression that they are working a lot. But it might be superficial activity.

“Be still and know that I am God” (Ps. 46:10).

Other people might need to temper their inactivity. There is an ever-present temptation in each one of us to laziness, to comfort-seeking. Often we have to try and temper that.

How can I be more active? How can I do more things, to be more effective, to have a game plan, a to-do list, to be going places in my life, to be having an influence, to have a lot of courageous initiative in having apostolic targets?

We could ask ourselves: What organizations do I belong to at a national or international level? How am I influencing my peers, preparing for the future, for the next ten years, for the impact that God wants me to have in society?

We might need to temper our work sometimes, spending more time resting, or listening to music, or reading.

In an Apostolic Letter from 1998, John Paul II wrote a beautiful line. That apostolic exhortation was called, Dies Domini–“On the Day of the Lord.” But it talks about the sacredness of rest.

We might need to temper our desires to read everything., or to listen to all forms of music. We might need to temper our egoism, to think of others more, to grow in our self-knowledge.

I was impressed once when an 85-year-old lady told me, “I have to stop this nonsense of thinking about myself and worrying about myself. I have to think about others.” An interesting battle to hear an 85-year-old lady speaking about.

We might need to temper our spirit of independence, to do things on my own, or to do the things that I think are right or important. We might need to consult, to get advice; not to trust our own judgments.

We might need to temper our criticisms or our judgments of other people. This virtue needs to be present in our entire lifestyle if we are to follow Christ.

St. Paul talks about the bonus odor of Christ—the sweet fragrance of Christ—so that we bring that atmosphere with us (2 Cor. 2:15).

People notice there's something different about us. We're in control. We have a certain self-mastery. We're not swayed by every wind that blows. Which is stronger, the reed that stands up against the wind or the reed that is bent by the wind?

We try to moderate this desire for pleasure. Part of this virtue is the virtue of purity, chastity, modesty, virginity. We need to control ourselves in those areas.

Control our temptations. Distance ourselves from occasions of sin; not allow ourselves to dialogue with the devil. Lack of temperance can destroy a soul.

In The Way, St Josemaría says, “Overeating is the vanguard of impurity” (J. Escrivá, The Way, Point 126).

We indulge too much in certain areas. We give ourselves unlimited pleasure in certain areas. We don't know how to say no to ourselves. No self-discipline.

When it comes to other areas, we can be equally hopeless. No spine, no backbone, no interior toughness.

We're told, “That insubstantial enchantment with the world is there all the time. We are attracted, by the color and smell of the flowers by the wayside, by the birds of the air, by all creatures. My poor child, it's quite reasonable. For, if you were not fascinated by it all, what sacrifice would you be able to offer Our Lord?” (J. Escrivá, Furrow, Point 294).

We need to ask ourselves: What do I need to temper in my life? I might need to temper my sleep or my disorder or my laziness or my dialogue with temptations, to make sure that I'm running the course well.

See, in the Olympics or in the marathons that we see these days, there's a specific course that the athletes have to run on.

There's a marathon here in Nairobi on the last Sunday of October where 20,000 people take part—twenty thousand people all running to obtain a piece of paper, a cap, and a T-shirt, 42 kilometers.

Now, say somebody ran in the wrong direction. They ran the 42 kilometers, and in record time and then they came to receive their cap, their piece of paper, and their T-shirt.

They might have to be told, ‘You ran a wonderful race, you did it in record time, but you went in the wrong direction.’

St. Paul says, “You ran very well but outside the course” (cf. Gal. 5:7). We need to know how to make sure we're on the right course.

It's one of the reasons why we all need spiritual direction. We need advice so that we're not on the wrong track, or that we're not thinking that ‘I'm leading a very good Christian life of piety’ or ‘I'm doing many, many good things’ but there may be big areas of our life that need conversion.

We need to moderate the love of our own enjoyment; part of the selfishness that's there inside each one of us; the “old self” that St. Paul speaks about (Eph. 4:22).

There's a law of disorder within each one of us. We want to enjoy the movie, the sport, the cake, the ice cream at all costs.

But the important thing is not the sport or the movie or the cake or the ice cream. The important thing is the enjoyment of others, that they enjoy themselves. Our greatest enjoyment comes from seeing that others are happy.

If there's no temperance in our life, then we end up restless, sad, a slave to the things here below, because our heart is in the things here below.

God doesn't want us to be enslaved by our likes and dislikes. We have to be able to take the moments when we can't have the things that we would like, whether it's food or drink or a movie or sleep.

We have to moderate our love of self in all these areas, so that we watch out for little compensations that we can give ourselves, being worried about ourselves or about things that are very material or mundane.

This virtue becomes more important when the atmosphere in society is particularly materialistic. It can threaten to choke the spiritual sphere of life.

We need to have our hearts free in order to “seek first the kingdom of God, so that all these other things will be given us besides” (cf. Matt. 6:33).

When the opportunity comes to deny ourselves certain pleasures, it's a very good thing to seize that opportunity and to do it elegantly, thanking God for the good things that He's given to us. It's a virtue that we have to try and practice at all times.

You might find yourself at a party where somebody else is paying. But that doesn't mean we indulge without any limits.

Or we’re on an expense account being paid for by the company on a business trip. But still, we don't spend money unnecessarily. We try to account for everything that we are spending. The fact that something is being paid for by somebody else doesn't mean that we throw this virtue out the window.

And always, we have to try and give good examples. If ever there's an office party or a Christmas party, it can be a very good thing to think, How can we add a social dimension to this outlay? Can we gather some funds to have a party for some poor kids or for some elderly people?

We infect other people with this type of thinking. A Christian conscience, a social conscience, thinks twice—knows how to practice a certain restraint when it comes to spending money, to control our impulse to spend or to buy.

It asks, Do I really need this thing? Can I get by without it? Is there anything, any way, that I can use these funds better to help other people more?

In all these areas, we try to bring reason into things; make sure that we act with that sense of rationality, which is very human.

The Greeks invented a drinking party. They used to drink wine on these occasions, but often they diluted it with water, and sweetened it with honey to stimulate conversation, because they knew that undiluted wine would soon lead to talking a great deal of nonsense.

This virtue can lead to many good things. Modesty is the virtue that regulates the pleasure of dressing well. To be elegant means to dress according to one's measure and for the occasion. A pair of jeans would probably not be appropriate for a presidential party; nor an evening dress for an outing to the countryside.

To be elegant means to be able to match the color and the form of the attire that we have, in order to pass unnoticed. Elegance is a social virtue that makes people comfortable in the presence of an elegantly dressed person.

This virtue has many applications.

We can ask Our Lady, who practiced this virtue so well at the Cana of Galilee, that you might help us to discover those ways in which we could practice this virtue a little better, and in that way become more human and also a better follower of Christ.

I thank you, my God, for the good resolutions, affections, and inspirations that you have communicated to me during this meditation. I ask your help to put them into practice. My Immaculate Mother, Saint Joseph, my father and lord, my guardian angel, intercede for me.

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

EW