Learning to Ask

By Fr. Conor Donnelly

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In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

My Lord and my God, I firmly believe that you are here, that you see me, that you hear me. I adore you with profound reverence. I ask your pardon for my sins and grace to make this time of prayer fruitful. My Immaculate Mother, Saint Joseph, my father and lord, my guardian angel, intercede for me.

“He has filled the hungry with good things, and the rich he has sent away empty” (Luke 1:53).

We should pray frequently about our divine filiation.

Our Lord had the habit of praying early in the morning and in out of the way places. We’re told in St. Matthew that after sending the crowds away, “he went up into the hills by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone” (Matt. 14:23).

And in St. Mark, we’re told, “In the morning, long before daybreak, he got up and left the house and went off to a lonely place, and there he prayed” (Mark 1:35).

Likewise in St. Luke: “He would go off to some deserted place and pray” (Luke 5:16).

“Now it happened that he was praying alone and his disciples came to him. And he put the question to them: ‘Who do the crowds say that I am?’” (Luke 9:18).

The disciples often found Our Lord thoroughly absorbed in conversation with His Heavenly Father. We’re told also in St. Luke, “He was praying in a certain place, and when he ceased, one of his disciples said to him, ‘Lord, teach us to pray’” (Luke 11:1).

We are very much in need of making the same request to Our Lord: Jesus, teach me how to deal with you. Tell me what I should ask you for.

We should do this because we can often find ourselves in front of God without knowing what to say to Him or how we should speak to Him.

Our Lord answered His disciples’ request with the perfect prayer, the Our Father. He must have pronounced every word with care. He taught them how to put all their trust in prayer to their Father God.

“Which of you,” He said, “has a friend who will go to him at midnight and say to him, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves, for a friend of mine has arrived on a journey and I have nothing to set before him.’ … I tell you, though he will not get up and give him anything because he is his friend, yet because of his insisting, he will rise and give him whatever he needs” (Luke 11:5-6,8).

Whenever we’re talking to God, most probably we’re asking Him for something. That’s because we’re children of God, children in need. For His part, God only wants to spend Himself on us.

When my mother heard us saying, “I want this, I want that,” she had a frequent phrase which she would say: “Well, you never stop wanting.” Children are like that. We never stop wanting. Our Father God knows it.

He says, “What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, would instead of a fish give him a serpent? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion?” (Luke 11:11-12).

We should go to the tabernacle, exactly as the sick and suffering used to go to Jesus.

John Paul, in explaining prayer, said, “Prayer means feeling one’s own insufficiency through the various necessities which man has to face, necessities that are part of his life. Such as, for example, the need for bread to which Christ refers in the example of that man who wakes up his friend at midnight to ask him for bread. Similar necessities are numerous.

“The need for bread is, in a way, a symbol of all the material necessities, the necessities of the human body, the necessities of this existence which springs from the fact that man has a body. But the range of these necessities is wider” (John Paul II, Homily, July 27, 1980).

Humility is a prerequisite for confident conversation with God. We need to realize who He is and who we are. We need to realize our limitations before we can appreciate how much we depend on Our Father God.

John Paul says, “To learn to pray means ‘to learn the Father.’ If we learn the ‘Father’ reality in the full sense of the word, in its full dimension, we have learned everything. … To learn who the Father is means learning what absolute trust is. To learn the Father means acquiring the certainty that he absolutely cannot refuse anything. This is all said in the Gospel (Luke 11:1-13). He does not refuse you even when everything, materially and psychologically, seems to indicate refusal. He never refuses you” (ibid.).

A little girl once asked Santa Claus, Father Christmas, for a thousand dolls for Christmas. Her father was an atheist. She got one doll.

He said to her, “Well, your God didn’t listen to your prayer, did he?” The little girl said, “Yes, he did. He said No.”

It was as though she was saying to her father, “God is my father, you’re also my father. Sometimes you say No. You don’t always say Yes. But I know that even if He says No, He always listens.”

He will never abandon us. In our conversation with God, we have to keep in mind our divine filiation and our human limitations.

We should ask God for spiritual and material goods insofar as they will bring us closer to Him. “For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it shall be opened” (Matt. 7:8).

In our prayer to God, the first things we should seek from Him are spiritual goods—the grace to love Him more each day, the grace to have an authentic desire for sanctity, the goal of our Christian vocation, the grace to do a more fruitful apostolate.

We should also ask God for material goods, insofar as they serve to bring us closer to Him. These goods can also include good health, economic well-being, getting a job.

St. Augustine says, “Pray for temporal goods in private, and rest in the knowledge that they come to us from him who knows what is best for us. Did you ask and not get what you wanted? Trust in your father. If it would have been good for you, you would have received it.

“Before God, you are much as a little child is before you. All day long, the child cries his eyes out so that you will give him a knife to play with. You wisely refuse his plea and pay no attention to his wailing. When the child demands to ride your horse, you won’t let him. The child doesn’t know how to ride, and may get injured or even killed as a result.

“You deny him in little things, so as to preserve more important things. You want the child to grow up safely and possess all his own goods without danger” (Augustine, Sermon 80: 2,7,8).

And so, that little girl who didn’t get a thousand dolls for Christmas—she knew that her Father God was listening. In only getting one doll, He gave her what she needed or what was important. She can be at peace, trusting her Father God.

And that’s how Our Lord is with us. Many times we’re like the child who doesn’t realize what he’s asking for.

I had a niece many years ago, and a big tree fell down close to their garden. It was all fallen down and the tree had been put in half.

She brought me out to the garden and pointed to the tree and said, “Can you fix that?” Little children don’t know what they’re asking for at times.

Our Father God always wants what’s best for us. Our happiness will always be found in our full identification with the Divine Will. Lord, if you don’t want to give me this thing, then it’s okay. I realize this isn’t the time, it’s not the moment. It’s not the right thing for me.

Even though what God wills may sometimes not seem so appealing from a human point of view, it necessarily leads to what is in our best interests.

John Paul II once recalled how impressed he was by the cheerfulness of a man he met in a hospital during the Warsaw Uprising in the Second World War.

He said, “This man achieved happiness by some other way because visibly, judging by his physical state from the medical point of view, there was no reason for him to be so happy, to feel so well, and to consider himself heard by God. Yet he was heard in another aspect of his humanity” (John Paul II, Homily, July 27, 1980).

This aspect was the identification of his human will with the Divine Will. We have to want the will of God: “Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven” (Matt. 6:10; the prayer, Our Father). This is the best path to follow. It’s the one prepared for us by Our Lord.

St. Josemaría says, “Tell him: Lord, I want nothing other than what you want. Even those things I am asking you for at present, if they take me an inch away from your Will, don’t give them to me” (Josemaría Escrivá, The Forge, Point 512).

If you don’t want these things, why should I? You know best. Your Will be done.

We’re told in Scripture about the prayer of Abraham, his prayer for those cities who had offended God. He asked, “Will you indeed destroy the righteous with the wicked? Suppose there are fifty righteous within the city, will you then destroy the place and not spare it for the fifty righteous who are in it?” (Gen. 18:23-24).

Abraham tries to save the cities from destruction by giving his beloved God a hard time. He makes his case to God that even a small number of holy people are an immense treasure.

Our Lord takes such great pleasure in those who love Him that He is ready to forgive thousands of sinners for the sake of a handful of just people. God is willing to forget the sins and iniquities of entire cities for the sake of the love and the adoration of ten people (Gen. 18:32).

This is an unmistakable teaching for all of us who seek to follow Our Lord closely. We may at times be tempted to question the merit of our struggle when there are so many people around us who live without a care for God and His rights.

One day, Our Lord will show us the enormous effectiveness of our humble prayers, of the sacrifices made by a mother for her family’s welfare, of the sufferings offered up by a sick person for the Church, of the merit of an hour of study or work converted into prayer.

Yahweh was willing to save Sodom and Gomorrah for the sake of only ten just men. According to divine logic, the good works of a few people can outweigh in value the sins of thousands.

When we struggle to be faithful to Our Lord, we are bound to experience the joy of knowing that we are pleasing Him. For God listens attentively to our prayer.

We ought to pray every day for our society, a society which seems to be moving farther and farther away from its Creator. John Paul II pointed out, “I think that Abraham’s prayer and its content is very relevant for the times in which we live. Such a prayer is so necessary, to negotiate with God for every just man, to redeem the world from injustice” (John Paul II, Homily, July 27, 1980).

“See what love the Father has given us,” we’re told in St. John, “that we should be called children of God, and such we are” (1 John 3:1).

Awareness of our divine filiation gives meaning to our day. We’re told in the Psalms, “I have been set by him as a king on Zion, his holy mountain, to tell of his decrees. The Lord said to me: ‘You are my son, today I have begotten you’” (Ps. 2:6-7).

In Christ Is Passing By, St. Josemaría says, “The kindness of God Our Father has given us his Son to be our king. ‘You are my son.’ The words are addressed to Christ—and to you and me if we decide to become other Christs” (J. Escrivá, Christ Is Passing By, Point 185).

That’s what our whole Christian life is all about: to imitate Christ, to identify ourselves with Him. We want to be good children of God in the midst of our work and our normal activities, in spite of our weaknesses.

Jesus came to John, just like one more person, to be baptized in the Jordan. The Holy Spirit descended upon Him, and the voice of the Father could be heard, saying, “You are my beloved son” (Mark 1:9-11).

From all eternity, Jesus Christ is the only Son of God. “Eternally begotten of the Father…begotten, not made, of one being with the Father. Through him all things were made” (Nicene Creed).

We say these words in the Creed during Mass. In him and through him—true God and true Man—we have been made children of God and heirs to heaven.

Throughout the New Testament, divine filiation occupies a central position in the preaching of the Good News of Christianity. It’s presented as a reality that gives expression to God’s love for men.

“See what love the Father has given us,” says St. John, “that we should be called children of God and so we are” (1 John 3:1).

Jesus Christ constantly revealed this truth to His disciples. He showed it to them in a direct way, by teaching them to talk to God as their Father (cf. Matt. 6:9).

“When you pray, say: ‘Father, hallowed be thy name…’” (Luke 11:2). He explains sanctity to them in terms of a son imitating his father. “Do not even the Gentiles do as much? You must therefore be perfect, just as your heavenly Father is perfect” (Matt. 5:47-48).

He also developed this truth of divine filiation for them through numerous parables in which God is represented as the father. One particularly moving picture is the picture of Our Father God in the parable of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32).

The Prelate of Opus Dei says, “In his infinite goodness, God created man and elevated him to the supernatural order. Through the gift of sanctifying grace, we could enter into the intimacy of the Blessed Trinity, without destroying or distorting that nature proper to us as creatures. He did this through the ineffable gift of divine filiation” (cf. Fernando Ocáriz, God as Father). He makes us His children.

Our divine filiation is not merely a title; it is a real elevation, an effective transformation of our inmost being. That is why “God sent his Son, born of woman…so that we might receive adoption as children. And because you are sons, God has sent the spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying ‘Abba! Father!’ So through God you are no longer a slave but a son, and if a son, then an heir” (Gal. 4:6-7).

Our Lord gained for us the most precious Gift, the Holy Spirit, who makes us cry out, ‘Abba! Father!’, who identifies us with Christ and makes us children of God.

“‘You are my Son’ (Ps. 2:7). Not a stranger,” says St. Josemaría, “not a well-treated servant, not a friend—that would be a lot already. A son!

“He gives us free access to treat him as sons do, with a son’s piety—and I would even say with the boldness and daring of a son whose Father cannot deny him anything” (J. Escrivá, Christ Is Passing By, Point 185).

“The Lord said to me, ‘You are my son, today I have begotten you’” (Ps. 2:7). These words of the Psalm 2, which refer principally to Christ, are spoken also to each one of us. They can truly make our day and give meaning to our whole life, if we once resolve—in spite of our weakness and frailty—to follow Jesus, to try to imitate Him, to identify ourselves with Him in our own particular circumstances.

In our ascetical struggle we will at times have to consider more deeply the consequences of our divine filiation. At times, this can become the object of our particular struggle.

One writer says, “When we are living as good children of God, we see everything that happens, including the minor occurrences of any ordinary day, in the light of faith, and we become accustomed to thinking and acting constantly in accordance with Christ’s will” (cf . M. Equibar, Why Do the Gentiles Rage?).

In the first place, we try to see ourselves as brothers or sisters of all the people we meet, because we are all children of the same Father. Our appreciation and respect for others will generate within us the same desire that resides in the heart of Christ—the desire for their sanctification.

Another writer says, “Above all, fraternal love will move us to wish that those people should come ever closer to Christ and should be more fully children of Our Father God. We will make our own the concern of Christ for the apostolate, his zeal for the Father’s glory, and the salvation of all mankind” (Bonaventure Perquin, Abba Father).

The manifestations of fraternity, rooted in spiritual childhood, will be countless throughout any one of our days. Prayers for others will remind us. Little opportunities of helping in material things will have their obvious motivation. And understanding for the defects of others will be more readily achieved if we see in them the faults of our brothers and sisters.

Spiritual childhood is just one more aspect of our lives. Fr. Ocáriz says it determines our whole supernatural character and shows us how to deal with every situation. “It is not a particular virtue that has its own acts, but the permanent condition of our being, suffusing and permeating all the other virtues” (Fernando Ocáriz, op. cit.).

Whatever the circumstances or the situations that affect us, we are children of God, and this firm conviction fills the whole of our life and our entire way of behaving.

St. Josemaría says, “We are children of God all day long, even though we set aside special moments for considering it, so that we can fill ourselves with awareness of our divine filiation, which is the essence of true piety” (J. Escrivá, Conversations, Point 102).

If we frequently consider this truth—I am a child of God—if we go deeper into its meaning, our day will be filled with peace, serenity, joy.

We will make a resolution to rely on God Our Father, on whom everything depends, especially when difficulties and disappointments arise, when sometimes we seem to be fighting an uphill battle (cf. J. Lucas, We Are Children of God).

It will be easier for us to return to Our Father’s house, like the prodigal son, if we should ever leave it through our faults and sins. We will not lose sight of this truth, that Our Father is waiting to embrace us and to give us back our dignity as His children, if ever we lose it.

He’s waiting to fill us with good things, with a splendid banquet, even though we may have behaved badly a thousand times and more.

Our prayer, just like these moments we are dedicating exclusively to God, will really be the conversation of a child with his father. The son knows that his Father understands him, that He listens to him, that He gives him the whole of his attention in a way that nobody else has ever done.

It’s a conversation with God that’s full of trust. It moves us frequently to a prayer of petition because we’re small and needy children. It’s a conversation with God that has our life as its theme.

In Friends of God we’re told, “…everything that is on our mind and in our heart: our joys, sorrows, hopes, disappointments, successes, failures, even the most trivial happenings in our day. We will discover that Our Heavenly Father is interested in everything about us” (J. Escrivá, Friends of God, Point 245).

We can finish our prayer today with that resolution, that we must pray more as children of the Father. With the conviction that we have to turn to Our Lord frequently every day, like those many sick people in the Gospels, we need to be brought to Jesus to be cured.

Our Lady will teach us how to have the daring of little children in our petitions. We ask her to help us to do an effective apostolate where we live and work.

I thank you, my God, for the good resolutions, affections, and inspirations that you have communicated to me during this meditation. I ask your help to put them into practice. My Immaculate Mother, Saint Joseph, my father and lord, my guardian angel, intercede for me.

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

JSD