Fraternity in the Work

By Fr. Conor Donnelly

(Proofread)

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

My Lord and my God, I firmly believe that you are here, that you see me, that you hear me. I adore you with profound reverence. I ask your pardon for my sins and grace to make this time of prayer fruitful. My Immaculate Mother, Saint Joseph, my father and lord, my guardian angel, intercede for me.

We're told in St. John, “I give you a new commandment: Love one another. You must love one another just as I have loved you” (John 13:34).

This is a meditation about fraternity.

Our Father used to say that the spirit of charity, of love, of family life is something that has to permeate into every last corner of the home of every supernumerary and associate. It's the spirit of the house of Nazareth that we have to live in all our centers.

At a time of economic difficulty in Rome in the early 1950s, somebody said to our Father in a get-together, “Father, maybe I could go to Alaska, and in Alaska, I might find a pot of gold.”

Our Father replied, “A pot of gold is something we find in each one of our centers.” It's the spirit of charity that is lived.

This is the proof of love, that He laid down His life for us. We too also “lay down our life for our brothers,” says St. John (1 John 3:16).

“Love consists in this. It is not that we loved God, but God loved us and sent His Son to expiate our sins” (1 John 4:10).

Don Álvaro told us in a get-together once how he was working with our Father, and our Father noticed that Don Álvaro's glasses were dirty. And so, our Father said, “Give me those glasses.” Our Father took his glasses and he cleaned them.

This happened another time. Don Álvaro said, “I noticed that our Father liked to clean my glasses. So on purpose, I didn't clean my glasses so that our Father would clean them for me.”

He said this went on for some time until one day, our Father said, “You know it's lucky for you that I clean your glasses, because if it wasn't for me, nobody else would do it. But I'm not going to do it anymore.” So that was the end of the glass-cleaning saga.

Fraternity and charity mean we're willing to do anything for anybody. We have a spirit of service. We think with our hearts.

One time, I think it was Don Salvador Canals who was sick in hospital with cancer. Our Father was going to see him, and he knew that this son of his liked dried fruits.

He asked some people there in Villa Tevere to go and buy some dried fruits. They went and bought the smallest little box of dried fruits that you could imagine.

When our Father saw it, he said, “I can't go and visit this son of mine with such a tiny little box of dried fruits.”

So, he said, “I know what I will do. I will ask my daughters to go and buy a box of dried fruits.” So, they went out and they bought this huge box of dried fruits. It was nicely done up and it had a nice bow.

Our Father was very happy. “This is what I need to bring to my son.” He went along then to visit Don Salvador with this box of dried fruits.

Salvador opened them and he began to eat them and to taste them, and our Father commented later on the joy that he had in his heart, seeing this son of his, tucking into and enjoying those dried fruits.

He said, “What a fool I would have been to have brought that tiny little box instead of the much better big one.”

Our Father knew how to make people happy. He thought twice. He had that sensitivity. He was aware of the little details that were important in living that fraternity.

One time, our Father met somebody coming along a corridor in Villa Tevere, and our Father always noticed things very quickly—when something was wrong, or somebody wasn't well.

The guy was a bit pale. He was a big burly fellow from Bilbao someplace.

Our Father said, “My son, what's the matter?” He explained, “You see, Father, I'm on the first sitting for breakfast early in the morning. We have this Italian breakfast, which is very light, but I'm on the second sitting for lunch, which is at two. By one o'clock, I get these pains in my stomach.”

When our Father heard that it was just hunger pains, he was less worried. He told him to “offer it up, offer it up.”

Then the following day, our Father appeared in the office where this fellow worked in Villa Tevere with a big box of sweets and said, “My son, you know that in Opus Dei we don't give each other presents. But I'm the founder and the president general and I can do whatever I like. So, you put this box of sweets in your bottom right-hand drawer, and every day when it comes to one o'clock, you take a few of these and that will tide you over until two, to lunchtime.”

So that was our Father—always attentive to the details, the small things, helping people to have a good time.

In the first June 26 Mass that I attended in Dublin in 1975, in a residence of the Work, not a very big auditorium, maybe 30 people were there.

We had put a notice in the newspaper. This was a public Mass. We felt we had arrived.

But I remember in the homily, the priest said how they had had a very good time when they were in Rome with our Father.

He said, “Our Father helped all of us to have a jolly good time.” I remember thinking, That sounds a bit incongruous. It's not very supernatural.

I still remember this sixty years later. I don't remember anything else about the homily, but I do remember that remark, because I thought it was out of place.

But then as I grew to know more about the spirit of the Work, I realized that really, that was a great compliment. “Our Father helped all of us to have a jolly good time.”

Part of our role in the Work is to help our brothers to be happy, to make their life of struggle for sanctity easier.

Our Father used to say none of us have a vocation to make the lives of the others difficult, and we make that life easier in many ways:

First of all, by praying for our brothers every day, every week, in the Mass, in various places, in all sorts of things that we may be doing.

We try to be attentive to those things. We see what they need.

We have a special day on guard because we remember each one of them in a special way. This is an important duty of fraternity.

We help them also in concrete ways when we're with them, when we see them, when we know about, maybe, little difficulties that they have.

St. Paul says, “Let each one carry the burdens of the other” (Gal. 6:2).

We often solve all our problems by thinking about the others—living their life, walking in their shoes. All those sorts of things come to be very important.

The way that we make our brothers happy can vary enormously. I remember on an annual course at the start of a class once, at nine o'clock in the morning, the Regional Vicar, who had been in the army, came into the room and did a cartwheel across the floor.

He was 50 plus. We were a bit surprised—the Regional Vicar doing a cartwheel across the floor.

When he bounced onto his feet again, he said, “I thought you all needed a bit of cheering up this morning.”

It's not every day that the Regional Vicar does a cartwheel across the floor in front of us. But it was an interesting gesture of doing whatever is necessary to make our brothers happy, and to make their life of holiness in the Work and in the world easier.

St. Paul says to the Colossians, “As the chosen of God then, the holy people whom he loves, you are to be clothed in heartfelt compassion, in generosity and humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with one another. Forgive each other if one of you has a complaint against another. The Lord has forgiven you. Now you must do the same” (Col. 3:12-13).

I remember talking to a supernumerary in another country who was preparing to go for a seminar. He told me, “You know, I really look forward to my seminar, because I love to be in the company of my brothers.”

I thought it was a rather beautiful statement, a very good spirit and disposition to have.

‘I love to be with people who belong to the same family, who think the same way I do, whom I know love me and look after me in all sorts of ways, humanly and spiritually.’ It was a very beautiful thing to say.

Hopefully, we have the same spirit, whereby we look forward to the means of formation when we are going to be together with others.

We have a special duty to be the good shepherd of our brothers. “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for his sheep” (John 10:11).

That means we pray for them, we think about them, we help them.

Fraternity could be defined as the permanent disposition in the material and in the spiritual, of looking for what is good for our brothers.

Permanent disposition. It doesn't depend on the weather, or our hormones, or how we slept last night, or how our own business is going, or a whole pile of other things, our age. “Permanent disposition in the material and in the spiritual.”

There is nothing too small or too big that we shouldn't be ready to do for our brothers, because that's what being family means.

Ultimately, we want the best for them. The best is heaven, salvation, fidelity.

That's one of the reasons then why we try to help them with fraternal correction. Fraternal correction is the greatest act of supernatural affection that any of our brothers can practice with us.

It's a sign we're not alone. It's a sign that we form part of the family. It's a sign that we're loved, that our brothers love us and they want the best for us—the best, which is sanctity, which is heaven.

And so, whenever we have to give or receive a fraternal correction, it can be very good to go through those ideas a little bit—the greatest act of supernatural affection that this brother can practice with me, or I can practice with him; a sign that I'm not alone; I'm part of the family. People love me, they care for me.

The spirit of fraternity doesn't come with the breeze. It's something we have to fight for. It's a great wealth, humanly and supernaturally. The pot of gold.

Each of us has to think: What can I contribute? What can I give? How can I help my brothers in this particular group?

Bringing them to my prayer. Helping them with my example. Watching out for them in all sorts of ways.

There may be things that you may see in the life of your brother that nobody else will see. If you go to Mass one day in your parish church and you find your supernumerary brother turns up in his jogging attire, maybe the only person that will see that is you. Maybe he's using that occasion to jog to Mass and jog home again, but perhaps that's not the best attire to attend Mass.

Or you may come to know something in his professional life, in business, where you could help him with, that maybe, nobody else has seen or heard.

God has placed us in the life of our brothers to see things, to help them with things, always passing this through the grace of state of the director.

Fraternity means being thoughtful. Considering the feelings of others. Being present. Being positive.

Our Father talked about putting our hearts on the ground so that other people can walk easier. Having a spirit of service. Thinking: What can I contribute? That phrase, that question, helps us to be more effective in our fraternity.

There may be all sorts of ways that we can help our brothers with our prayer, materially, in their apostolate, helping them to know the spirit of the Work, to live it the way our Father gave it to us.

I remember a supernumerary at a seminar once. After a number of years, he was learning how to give a Circle, because he had been giving Circles, but not exactly the way that our Father meant them to be given.

He would give a Circle to his friend over lunch, and they would say the first opening prayer before the soup. Then they would have the soup, and then they would have the Gospel commentary.

After that, they would have the main course, and then they would have the talk. Later on, after coffee, they would have the examination of conscience. And so, the Circle was punctuated with lunch.

He learned that was not the way that the Circle was meant to be given.

Sometimes, it takes time for us to learn exactly the way our Father has given us things, and to grow then in our vocation and in the spirit that God has given to us, and to help it yield abundant fruit.

Each of our brothers is worth all the blood of Christ. If ever we find somebody a bit more difficult to get on with—and it's logical, in any group of people there will be some that we find easy and some that we don't find so easy—but if we find people difficult to live on a natural plane, then we move on to the supernatural:

Christ died for this person. This person is worth all the blood of Christ. I need to pray a little bit more for that person.

I heard a story once of how somebody remarked with our Father, that he seemed to be paying particular attention to one particular person in the center, in the get-together there in Rome.

The person remarked on this, maybe in the chat or something, and he was told to note that our Father finds that person a little bit more difficult.

Our Father went out of his way to practice charity with that person. Authentic affection.

We know that in the Work we don't have particular friendships. We try to be friends with everybody.

One time I was looking after the door of the garage in Villa Tevere. Don Álvaro used to go in and out every couple of days.

The idea was that you would open the garage door when he was already in the car with the custodes so that they don't waste any time. They open the garage door, and then they leave, and then you close it again. There was good use of time there, and also, ideas of security.

But one time they came down to the garage, Don Álvaro and the custodes, and they didn't get into the car. They were standing around talking, obviously waiting for somebody else.

I was over at the door of the garage, waiting for them to get into the car. Don Álvaro noticed that I was there, and I was alone.

And so, he left the custodes, Don Joaquín and Javier, and came over to talk to me. It was only a matter of a couple of minutes; it was no big deal.

But it was enormously eloquent. He left the custodes, and I presume they weren't talking about Manchester United.

He came over and asked me, How are things? Did I have news? Etc. etc.

He saw somebody who might have been alone, or wasn't alone but who might have been alone, or might have felt alone. And so, he immediately left what he was doing and came over to fill that gap.

We could try and bring that spirit with us wherever we are. Our Father had a horror that anybody in our family might feel alone.

It's very good that we learn how to relax with other people. We see their positive strengths and their talents. We appreciate them.

We pass our affection for them through the heart of Christ. We try to love all our brothers equally. We give ourselves for them, and we help them to feel the family.

Everybody at a certain stage in their life needs to feel the family. In moments of difficulty, of trial, of pain, of sorrow, we have to be there for our brothers—to know those words and gestures which only those who love know are important.

Our Father wanted us in particular to take very good care of the sick. Sometimes when we go to visit the sick, we don't have to say anything. Sometimes you can kill people with conversation.

But often, what people appreciate most is just our silent presence; or helping them to do a norm, accompanying them for the prayer, or reading for them, or saying the Rosary with them. That sends a message that this is what's important.

St. John says, “My dear friends, let us love one another, since love is from God, and everyone who loves is a child of God and knows God” (1 John 4:7).

See, “God is love” (1 John 4:8). The Church is love. Christianity is love. The spirit of Opus Dei is love. We are called to practice that love, to put it into practice in a concrete way every day, every hour.

Our Lord said, “I have given you an example, so that you may copy what I have done to you” (cf. John 13:15). This was when He had washed the feet (John 13:12).

Often the most valuable gift we can give to others is our good example—our example of taking the economic burden of Opus Dei on our shoulders; living our vocation in that respect; feeling totally responsible for the conference centers and for all the apostolic work all over the world; helping the Father to carry that burden.

We can show our love in concrete ways in doing that, thinking with the mind of our Father and realizing: This is the will of God for me. This is where I find my joy, my peace, my fulfillment.

We can also thank God very much for our brothers, the people we meet in our Circle every week. If we were there on our own, it might be a little more difficult. We are surrounded by other people.

Sometimes fraternity means we have to go the extra mile in small things, serving them in little ways; helping our brothers out in small things; giving them a little bit of encouragement or help, because sometimes, professional work or other difficulties can be discouraging.

Everybody needs that affection of encouragement. There is nobody in Opus Dei that doesn't need affection.

Sometimes when we are together with them, it can mean that we talk at the get-together. We try and bring apostolic anecdotes. We help people to see that I am thinking of the apostolate. I am working on my apostolate.

That's why we come together. That's why we have centers.

Sometimes fraternity can mean listening in the get-together. It’s a real compliment to listen to others, to digest; not to talk at the same time; and all the time, to help people to understand and to know that our family has standards.

We try and maintain those standards, so that we pass on to those who come after us the spirit that God has given to us. If we don't madly love our brothers, then it may be that we are madly in love with ourselves.

The Good Shepherd takes care and thinks of the sheep day and night. We have to think of our brothers 24/7, counting the sheep, helping our centers to have the human tone.

Human tone doesn't come from the furniture, or cups and saucers, but from charity. Often, manners are charity.

We have to love with real thoughts, care, concern—if possible, not waiting to be asked for something, but knowing in advance what people need.

Or, if they have some little problem or difficulty, or something they need help with—being there for people in the right moments.

I remember in a talk, many years ago, hearing a director of a commission say, “Those of you who learn to serve your brothers will be happy and persevering in Opus Dei.” Those of you who learn to serve your brothers will be happy and persevering in Opus Dei.

Holiness is measured by love. Sanctity is love.

Our Father talked about the first proselytism. First proselytism means that we first and foremost take care of our brothers.

If we were to be super-enthused about doing apostolate with the whole world, but we neglect the brothers that God has placed beside us, that would be a disorder.

So good example is a great contribution. Fidelity to our norms. We show others in that way what's really important.

We can ask Our Lord for the grace to be a better brother to those around us; discover new ways of living that better fraternity, perhaps through humility, or generosity, or patience, or cheerfulness, or a spirit of service.

Each of our brothers is a treasure that we have to look after. So, our brothers come first.

Sometimes our Father liked to say that we have to love other people with their defects. The people God has placed around us are not just one big defect. Sometimes the devil can blind us.

We have to have a heart to see the talents, the noble ideals, that other people nurture in their hearts.

We live with some of the greatest people on the planet who have given themselves completely—wonderful people with wonderful ideals who are striving to be saints, even though they may be sinners.

That's a little bit of what was behind that comment of that supernumerary who said, “I love to be in the company of my brothers.”

It's like saying, I love to be in the company of these great people. It's so different. It's so wonderful. It's so encouraging, their positive dispositions, the great things they're trying to achieve in society, in the world.

We can thank God for the brothers that he's given to us. Love them in the way that God wants us to love them.

Family life is not just a fact of living under the same roof or sharing that same roof occasionally, but rather a bond that makes us feel one.

Love must be effective. It has to be demonstrative. It has to be shown with deeds of service. You can't say, “You know, I love everybody, but just, I don't show it. I'm not that type of person.”

But then it's not charity. It has to be shown in concrete deeds. We give good example with our perseverance.

Service itself is not love. Service without love is worth nothing.

St. Paul says, “Though I should give away to the poor all that I possess, and even give up my body to be burned, if I am without love, it will do me no good whatever” (1 Cor. 13:3).

We try to love others, not because of what they do, but because of what they are. It doesn't depend on their job, or their intelligence, or their jokes, or their sport, or their genius—just what they are.

It's not a virtue to practice by rules or conventions, but by the ear, like a musician, picking up the little notes here and there.

Fraternity is not among the norms of always, but it should be present in everything.

We can ask the Holy Spirit that our interactions should be as they should be, what is proper.

Our Lady went to Jesus and said, “They have no wine” (John 2:1-11). She was attentive. She pointed out to Jesus where the miracle was needed. Sometimes that's our role in fraternity.

Our Father liked to say, “as a deck of cards sometimes support each other.” We're a bit like those cards: we're nothing, but that togetherness can give great strength.

Our Lord showed great patience with the people around Him.

Patience with the Pharisees.

Patience with the people of His village who didn't recognize Him.

Patience with His accusers.

Patience with the soldier who slapped His face.

Patience with the murderers.

Our Lord was always showing patience, one of the concrete ways that we practice fraternity.

Sometimes we practice a fraternity with our silence. Our Father said, “Put a seal on my lips, that I may not lament my sorrows all around me.”

Christ was silent on the Cross to a large extent. He was forgiving. He was reaching out to others, forgetting about Himself in all sorts of ways.

We can ask Our Lady, that she might help us to be that better brother to our brothers that she wants us to be, showing that blessed fraternity that our Father has passed on to us in all sorts of concrete ways.

I thank you, my God, for the good resolutions, affections, and inspirations that you have communicated to me during this meditation. I ask your help to put them into practice. My Immaculate Mother, Saint Joseph, my father and lord, my guardian angel, intercede for me.

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

RK